Titbits — Secular snack tables, Boris bagels and graveyard gossip

■ A heavily-guarded kosher snack table at Hackney Council’s Inequality Debate last month was guarded by no less than four staff, three prominent signs, and a heavy dose of profiling. As a long queue formed at the secular snack table, one neutrally-dressed attendee, religion undisclosed, made the mistake of going for the bottled water on the kosher table. She was swatted away with a curt snip: “Please don’t touch. They don’t like it if you open the water.” At the end of the debate, both bottles remained sealed.

■ He has already commandeered the Barclays bikes and now the London Mayor has charmed local fish smokery H. Forman & Son into serving their salmon inside ‘Boris bagels’. Why the nonconformist politico has been honoured with such a ‘holesome’ bread is anyone’s guess.

■ Times must be tough when you have to run a hatchet job on a graveyard. The usually serene Abney Park was rocked by scandal after reports of ‘vagrants’ holding drug-fuelled orgies on gravestones went national. Abney Park came out on top, tweeting a request for a ‘professional PR person needed to help target smear campaign.”

■ Polly Pocket homes used to be miniature worlds in plastic shells. Now they have come to life they aren’t so cute. You’ll need big pockets for the £230,000 price tag on these microflats. All hail ‘affordable’ housing.